She Looks Like a Diabetic

Part of being a Mom (especially a pregnant Mom) is taking care of yourself. This is very important. It's also easier said than done. I just took a break from writing this to leave a message for my massage therapist; CHECK! The dilemma I am currently experiencing concerns my diabetes, of course. I see the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doctors every two weeks, and even scan and e-mail my blood sugar logs to them in the off week. I skip snacks for them, I poke my fingers ten times a day for them, and it's still not enough. "We can't sense any trends in these readings. Can you check your sugars more often? Can you do readings at 10pm, midnight, 3am, and 5am? How about a midday basal check?" I do what they ask because I have to. I can't think about how it's too much, all too much to do and keep track of. Daddy and Rosemary read their bedtime stories and I have to leave the room to check my number. I keep an eye on Rosemary eating pizza while leaning precariously off the side of the picnic bench at the birthday party, but my hands are occupied with the glucose meter. If I could, I would scream. As if it would make any difference.

My frustration also stems from the fact that I need to start Continuous Glucose Monitoring (CGM) therapy. Minimed, the makers of the insulin pump I currently use, have a CGM system that is integrated with an insulin pump. They also have a CGM that is independent of a pump. My doctors don't like the Minimed CGM's though, because they are too prone to user error. And while it would be wonderful to have an integrated CGM pump, I can't get a new insulin pump until 3-4 months from now. Baby is due in 5 months. There is another manufacturer called Dexcom who makes CGM's, and my doctors like those ones, but it would be a separate device I would have to lug around in addition to my pump. My pockets will be bulging with a cell phone, insulin pump, and CGM device. Forget about wearing skirts, workout pants, or anything without pockets. Finally, on a very vain note, I'll have to start sticking my stomach again. I'm a bellydancer. I have a nice tummy (usually) that I like showing off. I used to stick my insulin pump infusion sets into my stomach, but I've since moved to my glutes. CGM sensors have only been tested and approved to work on the abdomen. Imagine me, post-baby, dancing on stage with this glaring on my stomach:


Image taken from Dexcom website.

And of course the audience won't care, it's not like I'm a professional dancer. But it's distracting. Who can think "Wow, what a lovely dance," when instead they're wondering, "What the heck is that thing?" Is that vain? Or am I just trying to retain some sense of self that is not glaringly, intrinsically wrapped around diabetes?

I'm letting this bother me too much. There's nothing I can do but smile and nod. Yes, I'll prick my fingers a bajillion times a day. Yes, I'll add another dangly thing off my body and carry around its separate monitor. No, I won't care.

I'm such a bad liar.