Mother's Day

Today was my third Mother's Day. Out of the three, I can say with certainty that the first was the most joyful: Rosemary was home from the NICU and I was basking in the joy of being a new mom. Last year, tragedy struck and a massage school classmate (a mother herself) was killed by a drunk driver on Mother's Day. This year, Poppy is in the NICU, and not only that, but today she received a spinal tap.

I hate that it happened. The doctors and nurses used scare tactics, "Apnea! Brachycardia! She might have an infection! We need to rule out meningitis!" Yes, meningitis is scary, yes, it causes serious damage if left untreated. But did I honestly believe for a moment that she might have meningitis? No. The blood tests to rule out other infections came back negative. Though the results from the spinal won't be known for the next couple of days, the fluid itself was clear. I love how the doctors revealed AFTER the spinal that if there's no infection they'll just give her shots of caffeine. What??? Yes! Please! I would much rather have my baby hepped up on caffeine than have her stuck with a needle in her spine and the precious fluid pulled out!!!

Gah. It kills me. I just have to remember that little harm was done. Senpai was right there with her when they did it (Mommy hid in a back room pumping breast milk), and he said she barely blinked an eye. She was even more alert and active after the procedure than we'd seen her this whole time. The final clincher was when she started sucking on her pacifier. She had avoided it before, but today she kept working her little jaw and appreciated having something to chew on. It gives me hope that she might be able to eat sooner rather than later. I hope.

Happy Mother's Day.


UPDATE 5/17 - We learned today that there is no sign of infection in her spinal fluid. Caffeine was started the day after the spinal and she has not had any episodes of apnea since then.