Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Bah Humbug

I was lying in bed a couple nights ago, listening to Senpai breathing in his sleep to one side of me, and R softly breathing in her crib to the other side, and I hated myself. I was able to eventually push nagging thoughts aside to fall asleep, but the feeling lingered the next day, and the next. I thought I was a nice person. I thought I was good. Lately, though, my thoughts are usually blaming, negative, and nasty. I throw mini temper tantrums in my head multiple times a day.

There are reasons for the disgruntled thoughts: it's SAD season, coupled with the fact that we have extended guests. I can't find anything because it's not where I left it. R has a tooth now, and it took me TWO DAYS to find the baby toothpaste I had only used once before it was moved to some obscure location that makes absolutely no sense for it to be there. Can you tell this drives me crazy? Running in circles around the house, "Where can it be?!!" At least I found it this morning. I was just about to go buy another tube.

The reasons to be flustered are there, but I still don't like it. Where do you get that "Patience of a Saint" stuff? Can I buy it in bulk? I'm thinking I need 3, maybe 4 gallons at least. I have so many reasons to be grateful, so why do I feel like I'm banging an empty cup against the table, demanding more? I need that Overflowing Cup type feeling, or at least Glass Half Full. Where does it come from?

Sunshine helps.

Being able to find things where I put them helps.

Just gotta make it through the winter.



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