Sunday, February 27, 2011

War Zone

There's a certain sigh of relief that can be expelled when the long, hard battle is over. We survived. We barely made it by the skin on our teeth, but we're still here. Exhale...

Senpai's parents moved out. They have job interviews lined up many states away, a vague direction of where they're going, and a van full of stuff to take them there. Such is how their life goes.

I feel like I can breath again.

There's a whole half of R's first year that I want to forget. "Edit," Senpai said, "Take out the bad, but remember the good." October to March is a very long time to edit. Delete pictures, remove items from the house, deconstruct the guest bedroom so it can never ever hold guests again. Welcome to my new craft/massage room. If somebody comes to town they can stay in the motel down the street. I'm serious. The motel has good fares. My house will never be a war zone again.

My heart has been hardened and I can't go back to being the innocent girl I was before. I only ever wanted to be a good person. I'm a peacemaker, but to keep the peace on the outside I couldn't keep the peace within myself. I've become battle worn and weary. Boundaries were crossed and I couldn't hold them. My heart was trampled and I couldn't stand up for myself or my family. My side lost the war, and the enemy has moved on to destroy other towns and villages. With them gone, it is time to fortify the defenses. Bolster the troops for the next wave. Morale is low...

I'm looking forward to getting my joy back.



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