For Senpai

Pop music starts playing as a gag, and the comedian walks offstage. The short credits roll. The Netflix screen pops back on the tv, and an intense silence takes over. I was expecting him to get up from the couch and tell me his favorite parts, but when I walk over from my computer in the other room, I see that he has fallen asleep. I sit back down at the computer and start composing this blog post.


He had wanted to go out tonight. He arranged with his coworker, our only babysitter, to come here at 9 pm, then we'd go see some live bands in St. Louis. No one we know, and probably nothing special, but he felt the need to get out of the house and "celebrate Father's Day," as he put it. He must know I don't have anything special planned. I bought him a gift and cards from R and I, I'll be making his favorite meal, but tomorrow is his company picnic, and Sunday he has Reserve duty on base. I don't know how to do special little things to show him how much of a wonderful father he is except to come right out and tell him.


Senpai, we celebrated Father's Day by having you home today. You took off from work and we ate a big breakfast just the way you like it. We went for a leisurely bike ride on a new, beautiful trail that we just discovered today, then we played with R on the well-kept playground attached to the trail. We dodged the monsoon rains at Subway for lunch. After a trip to the bike store, we made it home in time to take a hot shower and get R to her physical therapy appointment. You made such an adorable fool of yourself trying to convince R to walk by scooting around on a wheeled stool while letting her hold the "reins" (jump rope) around your neck. We had dinner, laughs with R, then put her to bed. You read her a story when she was still too excited to sleep, and now you are passed out on the couch after watching a comedy show on Netflix, instead of staying up late hanging with the hipsters in the big city because our babysitter had a family emergency.

What really happened sounds more like celebrating being a father than what you would have liked to have happen.

I know you are afraid of being uncool, losing touch with the social scene, and ending up like the "Dad Life" videos on youtube, but you have nothing to be afraid of. Cool dads do exist, and you are certainly high in their ranks. R loves her Daddy. She smiles so big when you put her up on your shoulders, and she stops whatever she is doing to see you when you come home from work. She talks about you all the time, "Dadada..." You are an amazing father. You are firm when you need to be, otherwise playful and silly, and you know just how to help me out. I hope you love fatherhood as much as it suits you.

I love you so much.

Happy Father's Day <3