Saturday, February 18, 2012

Don't Come Early

"Senpai?" I tentatively ask from beneath the covers.

He pauses the tv show he is watching on his cell phone, "Yeah?"

"When Rosemary was born..." I start, and Senpai braces himself for what comes next, "Why did it take three hours for me to see her? Did I ask to see her as soon as I could, or could I have asked sooner?" Imagining the future brings up scars from the past.

He collects his thoughts, remembering, "They needed to do things to her in the NICU... they needed to monitor you. Three hours flew by. What do you think?"

"I remember time passing... the nurses weren't there and you called relatives. Could I have called the nurses in to take me to her?"

"You were out of it, Sweetie," he admonishes, and then calms my fears with a sentence, "You demanded to see your daughter."

Poppy, please stay in for as long as you can. I hope to curse myself at 41 weeks for saying this. Don't come early. I want to hold you in my arms seconds after you are born, instead of days. I want to touch you immediately, instead of three hours later, and I want to gaze at you for hours, instead of twenty minute brackets. Please, oh please, don't come early.



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