Listen to the March

"We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it." -Eeyore

My piece did not make it into the inaugural St. Louis Listen to Your Mother show.

Yes, I am bummed.

I was really hoping to be a voice for preemie mothers this year, especially since I don't think LTYM has featured a story about preemies yet. There are a high concentration of Neonatal Intensive Care Units in this area. St. Luke's Hospital, the sponsor and venue of the STL LTYM, even has one. If not me, I hope the producers took the opportunity to cast another preemie mother for this show. We need a voice.


No, Eeyore, we can't all. But I personally will not be one who doesn't. So I took my sad feelings, turned them around, and focused (R's new favorite word) them into something productive. I will walk in the March of Dimes.

When I entered my information into the March of Dimes website, I was automatically signed up for an event on May 11th, the day of the LTYM show. That made me smile. I had told myself before I even knew if St. Louis would have a show that, either speaking on stage or sitting in the audience, I would be there. So I accepted my sign from the universe that I was doing the right thing and clicked the link to find a different event. On May 11th, the day after Poppy's first birthday-- the anniversary of when I became a preemie mom for the second time-- I will sit in the audience and support my fellow STL moms.


On April 27th, Senpai, Rosemary, Poppy, and I will walk with other preemie families, and find our voices.


I hope you can find a dime or two to donate and help us reach our goal. Love and thank you!

Why Moms Don't Paint Their Fingernails

My audition is tomorrow.

Tomorrow night, I will stand in front of the crew of STL LTYM and read my story. They will then decide if I am a good fit for the show. I am not freaking out about the actual act of standing up and speaking (I've got the text mostly memorized), but I am very afraid (read: terrified) that I will not be chosen. I didn't edit my piece maybe as much as I could have. Should have. I made changes to the perfect piece that Stacey helped me craft. Why did I make changes??

Alright, so maybe the story isn't everything it could be. Now is not the time for edits. Further editing will come when (if) I am chosen. So what else can I do to make an impression? Refine my poise and delivery, and control everything about my appearance.

I have been moisturizing and exfoliating. I have been brushing my bangs down and brushing my teeth with more fervor. I have my outfit picked out, right down to the jewelry. I opened my box of nail polishes a few days ago to pick out the perfect color. Rosemary saw the pretty colors and wanted to get in on it, too.



I chose Iced Silver. But I didn't paint my nails then because it was too far away. I had to wait until tonight, the night before the audition, before I painted my nails so they might still gleam with the freshness of newly applied paint tomorrow. I know. Crazy, much? I put Poppy to sleep, washed my face, folded diaper laundry, and then sat down to the task with the hope of not having to do anything else that would disturb the pretty polish.

Senpai wasn't feeling well today. He asked if he should go to sleep upstairs and possibly disturb Poppy, or if he should just crash on the couch until I was ready to go up later. We decided the couch would be best as I was "in no condition to handle her." I spoke those words while holding up my freshly painted nails. Cue Poppy crying right then. Senpai went up to try soothe her back to sleep, but he is like Kryptonite to her (as he puts it). She just cries worse and worse until Mommy appears and makes everything better. So Mommy appeared and made everything better.

The nails survived.


Now I just need to brush my teeth, recite my speech to the bathroom mirror one last time, and head on up to bed. Good night.

Nerves!

See that last button there on the right side of this blog? The one that says "Listen to Your Mother"? Click on it. Look around, maybe click "St. Louis" under the "Local Shows" tab, and then come back here with a full understanding of why I am freaking out. Wednesday. Wednesday, people. That's when I'll find out if I am eligible to audition for my city's INAUGURAL Listen to Your Mother show. I've been following the beauty of Listen to Your Mother ever since Stacey of Is There Any Mommy Out There? first hosted the Spokane show.

When I saw the videos, I thought to myself, "I want to do that." I told myself, "When it comes to St. Louis, I will do that." And here it is. As soon as I found out that St. Louis was doing a show this year, I searched my blog for anything I might read in front of an audience. But I didn't find it. The stand alone blog post that said everything I wanted to say did not exist. So I copied and pasted full blog entries into a massive word document and set about trying to cut out the unimportant stuff to distill my story down to its essence. But it all seemed so important. I picked a topic, edited. Picked another topic, edited. And then I did it once more for good measure. I had three separate stories that I still didn't feel like any one of them said everything I wanted to tell. In desperation, I surprised myself by contacting Stacey for help. I've been following her blog for years now, leaving comments here and there, but this was my first time sending her an email. She is such a brilliant and beautiful writer, with experience behind the scenes of LTYM, so I knew she could help me narrow down my story to its core. She was so gracious in her help, and she did an unbelievable job plucking the finest grapes from my tangled vines of text and distilling them into a subtle and honest wine. It was perfection.... but it still didn't say quite enough, so I muddled it up again, put it in an email to the St. Louis show producers, and hit "send" before I could get stuck in editing no-man's land.

That was back in January.

I immediately got the automated, "We got your story, thanks!" reply, but haven't heard anything since. The last day for submissions was Friday. The names of those writers picked to audition will be revealed on Wednesday. I'm a bundle of nerves.

I just reread the piece I submitted. I think I've got a shot. I mean, who else has had 33 week old preemies 2 years apart under a full blue moon and a super moon? And who else learned from the challenges encountered with preemie #1 to successfully overcome those same challenges and breastfeed preemie #2? That's a unique and original story, right? One with obstacles faced and desires won. It's interesting, right? RIGHT???

Wish me luck.


UPDATE: I was accepted to audition!!! I am one of 30 people chosen to audition out of an initial group of 60 submissions. I audition this Thursday 2/28. We'll be narrowed down to 12-15 for the final show. One step closer!!! Fingers crossed!