Monday, August 30, 2010
Doing Fun Stuff
Ever heard of Smith Magenis Syndrome (SMS)? Yeah, I hadn't heard of it either, until Ryan from Pacing the Panic Room said that his Littlest Buddy (LB) was diagnosed with it. The "Do Fun Stuff" album is a project conceptualized, initiated, and seen through to its conclusion by Ryan, and 100% of the proceeds will be donated to more research on SMS, so that more people like you and me will hear about it, and more parents like Ryan and Cole will know what it means for their family when their child is diagnosed with it.
Please take a moment today to download the album for a good cause. There's also a donation option in case you don't have kids. Thanks.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Smells Like Home
Tonight, as I was sauteing some onions to make fried rice, I remembered how my Mom once told me how that smell always reminded her of home: her mom making dinner for her large family. I thought about it, and told her that the smell of Downy fabric softener reminded me of home: sunning in the driveway after playing in the pool, smelling the exhaust from the clothes dryer pumping out of the house. Fond memories, sigh... (Funnily enough, I don't use Downy. I buy Purex Naturals or Seventh Generation fabric softener, and then don't always use it.)
Anyway, as I was cooking our fried rice, I got to wondering what R's "smell of home" will be. Will it be some food dish I make? We eat international food way more often than American food. Will it be the spices from Indian Chicken Makhani simmering on the stove, or the soy sauce from Filipino Adobo? Or will it be some cleaning product I use, such as Thieves cleanser or the Purex fabric softener? What about the "Peace and Calming" essential oil blend in the diffuser?
Only time will tell, but I look forward to hearing a grown up R sigh happily and then say, "This smell always reminds me of home." <3
Anyway, as I was cooking our fried rice, I got to wondering what R's "smell of home" will be. Will it be some food dish I make? We eat international food way more often than American food. Will it be the spices from Indian Chicken Makhani simmering on the stove, or the soy sauce from Filipino Adobo? Or will it be some cleaning product I use, such as Thieves cleanser or the Purex fabric softener? What about the "Peace and Calming" essential oil blend in the diffuser?
Only time will tell, but I look forward to hearing a grown up R sigh happily and then say, "This smell always reminds me of home." <3
(Green Tea) Lactation Cookies
I've been using the following recipe to make Lactation Cookies:
Lactation Cookies
1 cup margarine
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
4 tbsp water
2 tbsp flaxseed meal*
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 generous Tbsp brewer's yeast**
3 cups oats (thick cut if you can find them)
Optional:
1 cup chocolate chips, raisins, etc.
*Can be found at any health food store.
**It MUST be brewer's yeast!
Directions
Preheat oven at 375 degrees F. Mix together flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3-5 minutes. Cream (beat well) margarine and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mix well. Stir flaxseed mixture and add with vanilla to the margarine mix. Beat until blended. Sift together dry ingredients, except oats and chocolate chips (if using). Add to margarine mixture. Stir in oats then chips. Scoop or drop onto baking sheet, preferably lined with parchment or silpat.
Bake 8-12 minutes, depending on size of cookies.
Yields: 6 dozen cookies
Yes, they work. I get an extra ounce of milk out of each breast when I eat these cookies, about two per pumping session. I'm a huge fan of white chocolate, but I don't like its standard cookie pair of macadamia nuts, so I throw a whole bag of white chocolate chips into the mix and then experiment with other additives. My favorite combination so far is white chocolate chips with 3 tbsp of matcha (powdered green tea, found at Asian markets). The yummy flavor of the matcha successfully overcomes the sour taste of the brewer's yeast. I highly recommend it!!!! I've also wanted to try brewing a green tea bag in the flaxseed water, but I forgot to do that this time. There's so little water that I'm not sure it will make much of a difference. Anyway, happy baking (and lactating)!
Lactation Cookies
1 cup margarine
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
4 tbsp water
2 tbsp flaxseed meal*
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 generous Tbsp brewer's yeast**
3 cups oats (thick cut if you can find them)
Optional:
1 cup chocolate chips, raisins, etc.
*Can be found at any health food store.
**It MUST be brewer's yeast!
Directions
Preheat oven at 375 degrees F. Mix together flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3-5 minutes. Cream (beat well) margarine and sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mix well. Stir flaxseed mixture and add with vanilla to the margarine mix. Beat until blended. Sift together dry ingredients, except oats and chocolate chips (if using). Add to margarine mixture. Stir in oats then chips. Scoop or drop onto baking sheet, preferably lined with parchment or silpat.
Bake 8-12 minutes, depending on size of cookies.
Yields: 6 dozen cookies
Yes, they work. I get an extra ounce of milk out of each breast when I eat these cookies, about two per pumping session. I'm a huge fan of white chocolate, but I don't like its standard cookie pair of macadamia nuts, so I throw a whole bag of white chocolate chips into the mix and then experiment with other additives. My favorite combination so far is white chocolate chips with 3 tbsp of matcha (powdered green tea, found at Asian markets). The yummy flavor of the matcha successfully overcomes the sour taste of the brewer's yeast. I highly recommend it!!!! I've also wanted to try brewing a green tea bag in the flaxseed water, but I forgot to do that this time. There's so little water that I'm not sure it will make much of a difference. Anyway, happy baking (and lactating)!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Done with Bubble Baths
Well, for me at least. I imagine R will love them when she gets old enough, if she's anything like her mommy. ;-) As a kid, you couldn't get me out of the water. Bathtub, swimming pool, ocean, you name it. I really miss the ocean actually... after growing up on the East Coast, it's hard being landlocked here in IL. I wanted to give birth, or at least labor, in a tub, too, but the circumstances prevented that.
I used to love bubble baths, but tonight, as I was soaking in my bubble-less tub, it occurred to me that I really am done with them. As a young teenager I would dump half a bottle of soap in the water to try to get it really foamy, just like in the movies. I'd enjoy it for a bit, but then the bubbles would die down. They never lasted the whole bath. What do you do with a bubble bath with no bubbles? It was anti-climatic for sure. Then my aunt sent me a whole box of Japanese bath bombs, and I fell in love. At first I would still add soap to the water, just cause I wasn't done with the idea of bubbles yet, but many years and many baths later, I've learned to enjoy the water without the anti-climatic bubbles.
Here's how I enjoy a bath:
There are two bath options. If I've taken a shower the same day, I will just do a relaxation bath. If I haven't showered and need to get clean, I'll do a relaxation/cleansing bath. Sometimes, like tonight, I'll also throw in a mask
, just cause. ^_^
Relaxation Bath - Make a cup of tea
. Start running the water and hop in. Add either a Japanese bath bomb if I have one, or about a 1/2 cup of Epsom salt
and 6 drops essential oils if I don't. Turn the water off, soak, enjoy tea. Sigh of relief.
Relaxation/Cleansing Bath - Make a cup of tea. Start a shower and hop in. Wash face and hair, then switch the water to the faucet, plug the drain, and fill up the tub. Add the bath bomb or Epsom salt/oil and enjoy while sipping tea. When I'm just about ready to get out I will add some soap to a sponge, lather up, then use the bath water to rinse off.
See? The soap is at the end. I am so done with bubbles, lol!
(Send me an e-mail if you're interested in buying essential oils from the website I linked to. You'll need my member number. ;-) )
I used to love bubble baths, but tonight, as I was soaking in my bubble-less tub, it occurred to me that I really am done with them. As a young teenager I would dump half a bottle of soap in the water to try to get it really foamy, just like in the movies. I'd enjoy it for a bit, but then the bubbles would die down. They never lasted the whole bath. What do you do with a bubble bath with no bubbles? It was anti-climatic for sure. Then my aunt sent me a whole box of Japanese bath bombs, and I fell in love. At first I would still add soap to the water, just cause I wasn't done with the idea of bubbles yet, but many years and many baths later, I've learned to enjoy the water without the anti-climatic bubbles.
Here's how I enjoy a bath:
There are two bath options. If I've taken a shower the same day, I will just do a relaxation bath. If I haven't showered and need to get clean, I'll do a relaxation/cleansing bath. Sometimes, like tonight, I'll also throw in a mask
, just cause. ^_^Relaxation Bath - Make a cup of tea
. Start running the water and hop in. Add either a Japanese bath bomb if I have one, or about a 1/2 cup of Epsom salt and 6 drops essential oils if I don't. Turn the water off, soak, enjoy tea. Sigh of relief. Relaxation/Cleansing Bath - Make a cup of tea. Start a shower and hop in. Wash face and hair, then switch the water to the faucet, plug the drain, and fill up the tub. Add the bath bomb or Epsom salt/oil and enjoy while sipping tea. When I'm just about ready to get out I will add some soap to a sponge, lather up, then use the bath water to rinse off.
See? The soap is at the end. I am so done with bubbles, lol!
(Send me an e-mail if you're interested in buying essential oils from the website I linked to. You'll need my member number. ;-) )
Monday, August 16, 2010
She Grieves
Even though I have no reason to be up this late anymore, tonight I just can't sleep. I learned tonight that a pregnant friend had attended a Le Leche Club meeting, and it was an emotional tipping point for me. I have not yet grieved for my inability to breastfeed. It stabs me in the heart each time I hear about my friends breastfeeding their babies. I really wanted to be able to do it, too... I really wanted to do it. I sit here trembling and tearing up over the injustice of it, and I need to let this go. Just let it go.
I couldn't help that R was born premature. Before actually going through it myself, I had thought that the women who developed preeclampsia had been under too much emotional or work-related stress. I thought if I just quit my job and took it easy during pregnancy, then preeclampsia couldn't happen to me. I mean, I was a massage therapist for all that matters! Aren't massage therapists supposed to be the relaxation EXPERTS?? But even though I had stopped working and wasn't under emotional stress, I hadn't considered physical stress. I've been a type 1 diabetic for over 20 years. Poorly controlled. I may have a clotting disorder called protein s deficiency [Update: the test for protein s deficiency came back negative. See here]. Hypothyroidism. Even though I try to eat well and exercise, you can't call me healthy. So this time around (it's not for certain that it'll happen again) my body could not handle pregnancy. HELLP Syndrome manifested, and that baby had to get out... to save us both.
Instead of staying in my bed after birth, nuzzled up against my chest, learning how to suckle from my breast, R was in an isolette in the NICU, being reminded to breath with caffeine, and receiving her nutrition from a tube down her throat, while I was in my hospital room, sleeping all day long and recovering from a taxed liver. I was able to pump breastmilk, the supply was there for her, but she was just as tired as I was. Getting her to drink from a bottle was such a challenge. The strength and stamina simply were not there for her to breastfeed. As she grew, I started working with a lactation consultant at the hospital, and we thought we had it. We really thought we had it. Until she came home.
I was so tired of pumping, and so thrilled to have my baby home, that I did not want to continue. No more pumping for me, I've got my baby now!! So I stopped pumping, and I did not give R supplementary bottles. She's breastfeeding! She doesn't need bottles. After a rough week of endless feedings, nonstop for hours on end, and a disgruntled and very sleepy baby, I called the lactation consultant and she said R was still too weak to breastfeed. I needed to wait at least until her due date, which was three weeks away. That was not what I wanted to hear... it was back to pumping, back to bottles, and even back to formula since my milk supply had diminished.
By the time R's due date came around, she had completely forgotten about my breast. Plastic was more familiar to her than skin, and bottles delivered the milk so freely and easily. She didn't want to breastfeed. I made an appointment with another lactation consultant. This woman helped me get R to latch on, but she also propped me up with lots of pillows and took care of burping R who was just getting into her colic. There was hope during the appointment, but it was so hard to then take R home and do it all by myself. I had to squish the pillows underneath R who was already in my arms, hope I had the positioning right, try to calm her down, and then toss all of the pillows aside so I could stand up and bounce her to try to settle her/remove gas. Wash, rinse, repeat... give up, give the screaming baby a bottle.
It was so hard to keep trying because she escalates so fast. She doesn't just cry, no, she'll cry for all of one second before suddenly she's screaming at the top of her lungs and I'm wondering where the mute button or at least volume controls are. I'll be deaf before I know it. Breastfeeding this baby is nothing short of impossible. It will take a miracle. I don't know where to find a miracle.
If I were Pollyanna playing the glad game, I can be glad that R is healthy. I can be glad that R is getting my breastmilk. I can be glad that R has learned to drink from a bottle. But my heart still grieves the lost and missed experience of breastfeeding. It's the one piece of the puzzle that somehow doesn't even fit anymore. I wish it would.
I couldn't help that R was born premature. Before actually going through it myself, I had thought that the women who developed preeclampsia had been under too much emotional or work-related stress. I thought if I just quit my job and took it easy during pregnancy, then preeclampsia couldn't happen to me. I mean, I was a massage therapist for all that matters! Aren't massage therapists supposed to be the relaxation EXPERTS?? But even though I had stopped working and wasn't under emotional stress, I hadn't considered physical stress. I've been a type 1 diabetic for over 20 years. Poorly controlled. I may have a clotting disorder called protein s deficiency [Update: the test for protein s deficiency came back negative. See here]. Hypothyroidism. Even though I try to eat well and exercise, you can't call me healthy. So this time around (it's not for certain that it'll happen again) my body could not handle pregnancy. HELLP Syndrome manifested, and that baby had to get out... to save us both.
Instead of staying in my bed after birth, nuzzled up against my chest, learning how to suckle from my breast, R was in an isolette in the NICU, being reminded to breath with caffeine, and receiving her nutrition from a tube down her throat, while I was in my hospital room, sleeping all day long and recovering from a taxed liver. I was able to pump breastmilk, the supply was there for her, but she was just as tired as I was. Getting her to drink from a bottle was such a challenge. The strength and stamina simply were not there for her to breastfeed. As she grew, I started working with a lactation consultant at the hospital, and we thought we had it. We really thought we had it. Until she came home.
I was so tired of pumping, and so thrilled to have my baby home, that I did not want to continue. No more pumping for me, I've got my baby now!! So I stopped pumping, and I did not give R supplementary bottles. She's breastfeeding! She doesn't need bottles. After a rough week of endless feedings, nonstop for hours on end, and a disgruntled and very sleepy baby, I called the lactation consultant and she said R was still too weak to breastfeed. I needed to wait at least until her due date, which was three weeks away. That was not what I wanted to hear... it was back to pumping, back to bottles, and even back to formula since my milk supply had diminished.
By the time R's due date came around, she had completely forgotten about my breast. Plastic was more familiar to her than skin, and bottles delivered the milk so freely and easily. She didn't want to breastfeed. I made an appointment with another lactation consultant. This woman helped me get R to latch on, but she also propped me up with lots of pillows and took care of burping R who was just getting into her colic. There was hope during the appointment, but it was so hard to then take R home and do it all by myself. I had to squish the pillows underneath R who was already in my arms, hope I had the positioning right, try to calm her down, and then toss all of the pillows aside so I could stand up and bounce her to try to settle her/remove gas. Wash, rinse, repeat... give up, give the screaming baby a bottle.
It was so hard to keep trying because she escalates so fast. She doesn't just cry, no, she'll cry for all of one second before suddenly she's screaming at the top of her lungs and I'm wondering where the mute button or at least volume controls are. I'll be deaf before I know it. Breastfeeding this baby is nothing short of impossible. It will take a miracle. I don't know where to find a miracle.
If I were Pollyanna playing the glad game, I can be glad that R is healthy. I can be glad that R is getting my breastmilk. I can be glad that R has learned to drink from a bottle. But my heart still grieves the lost and missed experience of breastfeeding. It's the one piece of the puzzle that somehow doesn't even fit anymore. I wish it would.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Long Night's Rest
And just like that, the midnight feed is gone. This past week instead of drinking 4 oz and sleeping peacefully through the diaper change as she had been, R would only drink 1 oz of milk and wake up very upset during the diaper change. I had to admit that the midnight feed was starting to do more harm than good.
Senpai and I decided that we'd eliminate it on Friday. When Friday night came around and R was sound asleep in her crib, Senpai asked, "Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"It's only 10:00 pm... I'm used to going to sleep at 2 am."
He wasn't swayed, "Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"Yeah... I should go to bed," and I slept. It was wonderful. R woke up at 3:00 and 3:30 am, but she was easily lulled back to sleep with the pacifier. We expected that to happen again last night, but she surprised us by not waking up at all until her feeding time at 6. Now we have an easy, long night's rest.
Ah, if only I could grasp the secret to easy daytime naps, we'll be set.
Senpai and I decided that we'd eliminate it on Friday. When Friday night came around and R was sound asleep in her crib, Senpai asked, "Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"It's only 10:00 pm... I'm used to going to sleep at 2 am."
He wasn't swayed, "Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"Yeah... I should go to bed," and I slept. It was wonderful. R woke up at 3:00 and 3:30 am, but she was easily lulled back to sleep with the pacifier. We expected that to happen again last night, but she surprised us by not waking up at all until her feeding time at 6. Now we have an easy, long night's rest.
Ah, if only I could grasp the secret to easy daytime naps, we'll be set.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Gravity Always Wins/ Right Foot Sonata
Today was not a good day for my right foot.
I love our house. It is a two story brick house built in 1892. It is a gorgeous house... As such, nothing about it is kid friendly. Senpai and I bought it before we were even thinking about kids. We were young newlyweds in love with each other, and we made the mistake of falling in love with the house, too. There is no carpet, only worn wood floors. I love wood floors, but these are OLD wood floors. The flooring upstairs is caked in paint (what to do, what to do..), and the flooring downstairs is a mix between the 1892 original, 1 cm gaps between splintering planks floor, and a cheap laminate that gouges easily. There used to be carpet in the guest room, but it stank of cat urine (Not from our cats. If it was our cats, that would have been a different story) so we ripped it out and replaced it with bamboo mat. The guest room is now R's room... I'm kinda thinking I'd like carpet in there. Sigh.
Aside from the floors, the staircases are steep. I never really thought about it until a friend mentioned, "Hey, your staircases are steep," and now I can't stop thinking about it. I go up and down the stairs many times a day, mostly because our laundry machines are in the basement and we're using cloth diapers. One load of cloth diapers equals 6 jaunts up or down stairs. Daily. (I love cloth!!!)
Today I was on my way down from the second story. We were all going out to a nice Italian dinner using a coupon I got in the mail for my birthday, and I wanted R and I to look nice. As soon as I started changing R (should've changed myself first, whoops) she was not happy and started to scream. I got her to calm down, then tried putting her down so I could change, haha, no. I managed to change my shirt, but I was still wearing the wrong skirt. The usual tricks weren't working, and I realized this situation called for the sling. It was downstairs. I picked up the crying baby, also grabbed some other things I wanted to take to the main level, and set off down the stairs.
I love our house. It is a two story brick house built in 1892. It is a gorgeous house... As such, nothing about it is kid friendly. Senpai and I bought it before we were even thinking about kids. We were young newlyweds in love with each other, and we made the mistake of falling in love with the house, too. There is no carpet, only worn wood floors. I love wood floors, but these are OLD wood floors. The flooring upstairs is caked in paint (what to do, what to do..), and the flooring downstairs is a mix between the 1892 original, 1 cm gaps between splintering planks floor, and a cheap laminate that gouges easily. There used to be carpet in the guest room, but it stank of cat urine (Not from our cats. If it was our cats, that would have been a different story) so we ripped it out and replaced it with bamboo mat. The guest room is now R's room... I'm kinda thinking I'd like carpet in there. Sigh.
Aside from the floors, the staircases are steep. I never really thought about it until a friend mentioned, "Hey, your staircases are steep," and now I can't stop thinking about it. I go up and down the stairs many times a day, mostly because our laundry machines are in the basement and we're using cloth diapers. One load of cloth diapers equals 6 jaunts up or down stairs. Daily. (I love cloth!!!)
Today I was on my way down from the second story. We were all going out to a nice Italian dinner using a coupon I got in the mail for my birthday, and I wanted R and I to look nice. As soon as I started changing R (should've changed myself first, whoops) she was not happy and started to scream. I got her to calm down, then tried putting her down so I could change, haha, no. I managed to change my shirt, but I was still wearing the wrong skirt. The usual tricks weren't working, and I realized this situation called for the sling. It was downstairs. I picked up the crying baby, also grabbed some other things I wanted to take to the main level, and set off down the stairs.
I always watch my feet as best I can going down stairs because I never want to miss one. Even if I can't *see* my feet due to a baby and other miscellanea in my arms, I still look. Well, today I missed one. I thought I was at the landing already, but there was still one step before the landing, and down we went. My right foot folded back against the stairs, my left knee hit the landing, R was jolted, and I was in shock: I wasn't expecting that to happen! I had made a promise to R that I would never drop her, and even today I kept that promise, but if she didn't need sling therapy before she certainly needed it after that! I picked us up, safely finished descending the steps, and gingerly walked on my right foot. My main concern was, "Can I walk? Because if I can't do laps around the dining room table with R in the sling then I'm in big trouble! Nothing else can calm her down!!!" Thankfully, I could still walk, the sling worked its magic, Senpai came home, and we all went out to dinner.
Sling Therapy, with the amazing Hugamonkey
That would've been a happy ending, except while at dinner I scraped my right foot against a sharp piece of metal that was sticking up from the floor. Ow! It didn't break the skin, though. And no, we can't get all pissy at the restaurant for the metal sticking out of the floor. The reason it was exposed was because Senpai had moved the booth seat to make more room for R and I. Ah well. I'm fine, really. Just hoping that's the last of the unfortunate mishaps. My right foot thanks me in advance.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Carseat of DOOM/ Cabin Fever
Oh, the carseat. Yesterday could have gone so much better if I hadn't tried to put R in her carseat. I just wanted to go to the Target down the road and buy creamer! We now have three different bottles of creamer in the fridge and I doubt they'll last until next week. Girl has made me a coffee addict. So yeah, Target. Creamer. Easy. Right?
It was supposed to be perfect. I had just pumped my breastmilk (check!), fed the baby (check!), changed the baby (check!), and the diaper bag was packed and ready to go. She always wakes up in stores, so I figured it would work out better to have the outing be playtime, instead of doing playtime and then going out with an overtired baby who can't fall asleep. That's so smart of me, right? No. Oh, no. I did not check that the carseat straps were loose enough before buckling her in. R grows exponentially, and, sure enough, the straps were too tight. No biggie, I loosened them, and that should have stopped her screaming, right? Once again, no. No amount of carseat rocking, or jiggling, or pacifying would calm her down. She had an unpleasant memory from 5 minutes ago of the straps being too tight and she wanted them off NOW. So I had to pull her out, rock, sway, cajole, all to no avail: please calm down, baby, PLEASE. 40 minutes later and she still hadn't stopped crying at me. Partly because I had tried again to put her in the carseat. Yeah, like that would work. An hour had already gone by, I was losing precious time before needing to repeat the pump/feed/change routine, and she still hadn't slept yet, wasn't going to sleep, and certainly wasn't going to let me buy a bottle of decadently sweet creamer. I called Senpai and sobbed over the phone to him, as R sobbed in my arms, that she will never ever let me out of the house.
I should tell you that the only way we (note, I said WE) do leave the house with her is to have one person driving while the other sits in the backseat and holds a pacifier in her mouth. Oh, child, please discover that you have thumbs!! So me, being one person, can't possibly take her anywhere in the carseat (especially not when the straps are too tight!), and it's too hot outside to walk anywhere. So... I'm frothing at the lips trying to get out of the house. I don't even have anywhere to GO really, it's just nice to have the thought of, "Oh I could go somewhere, whenever I want to..." Haha, not in this reality.
As a step in the right direction (freedom!!!), tonight Senpai threaded the carseat straps through the higher shoulder setting and left them really loose. He gently placed a calm R-baby into the seat, and gradually tightened the straps to the proper fit. Then we all watched SYTYCD. Happy ending.
Sometimes I feel like we had R to make other people feel better about their babies. I don't mean that. Maybe I do. Luckily, she pays me in cuteness. And she pays well. I guess I can put up with this.
It was supposed to be perfect. I had just pumped my breastmilk (check!), fed the baby (check!), changed the baby (check!), and the diaper bag was packed and ready to go. She always wakes up in stores, so I figured it would work out better to have the outing be playtime, instead of doing playtime and then going out with an overtired baby who can't fall asleep. That's so smart of me, right? No. Oh, no. I did not check that the carseat straps were loose enough before buckling her in. R grows exponentially, and, sure enough, the straps were too tight. No biggie, I loosened them, and that should have stopped her screaming, right? Once again, no. No amount of carseat rocking, or jiggling, or pacifying would calm her down. She had an unpleasant memory from 5 minutes ago of the straps being too tight and she wanted them off NOW. So I had to pull her out, rock, sway, cajole, all to no avail: please calm down, baby, PLEASE. 40 minutes later and she still hadn't stopped crying at me. Partly because I had tried again to put her in the carseat. Yeah, like that would work. An hour had already gone by, I was losing precious time before needing to repeat the pump/feed/change routine, and she still hadn't slept yet, wasn't going to sleep, and certainly wasn't going to let me buy a bottle of decadently sweet creamer. I called Senpai and sobbed over the phone to him, as R sobbed in my arms, that she will never ever let me out of the house.
I should tell you that the only way we (note, I said WE) do leave the house with her is to have one person driving while the other sits in the backseat and holds a pacifier in her mouth. Oh, child, please discover that you have thumbs!! So me, being one person, can't possibly take her anywhere in the carseat (especially not when the straps are too tight!), and it's too hot outside to walk anywhere. So... I'm frothing at the lips trying to get out of the house. I don't even have anywhere to GO really, it's just nice to have the thought of, "Oh I could go somewhere, whenever I want to..." Haha, not in this reality.
As a step in the right direction (freedom!!!), tonight Senpai threaded the carseat straps through the higher shoulder setting and left them really loose. He gently placed a calm R-baby into the seat, and gradually tightened the straps to the proper fit. Then we all watched SYTYCD. Happy ending.
Sometimes I feel like we had R to make other people feel better about their babies. I don't mean that. Maybe I do. Luckily, she pays me in cuteness. And she pays well. I guess I can put up with this.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
She Looks a Tad Uneven
Because I had so much trouble trying to get R to breastfeed, I always tried to get her to latch on to the one side that worked best. My right breast was slower than the left to let down milk, and I'm left-handed, so I had an easier job massaging and squeezing milk out of the left breast. When it came time to try to feed the baby, guess which breast I went for first? And guess which breast R never got to because I had to switch to the bottle? That's right: the left breast got all the play while the right wasn't even in the game. The result is that my left breast is noticeably bigger than the right, especially when it's full of milk.
I'm trying to fix the problem now by pumping both breasts every 3 hours as I had been, but also pumping only the right one every 1 1/2 hour. The result is a lot of time spent sitting around pumping, and I feel even more uneven with just the right breast empty. Hopefully the additional pumping time will convince the right breast to start making more milk (it was always at least 1 ounce short of what the left could produce), which in turn will plump it up to look similar to the left side. I'm looking forward to dropping the 1 1/2 hour right pump after it catches up. I hope it doesn't take too much longer; I never was one to stuff my bra, and I'm not going to start now.
I'm trying to fix the problem now by pumping both breasts every 3 hours as I had been, but also pumping only the right one every 1 1/2 hour. The result is a lot of time spent sitting around pumping, and I feel even more uneven with just the right breast empty. Hopefully the additional pumping time will convince the right breast to start making more milk (it was always at least 1 ounce short of what the left could produce), which in turn will plump it up to look similar to the left side. I'm looking forward to dropping the 1 1/2 hour right pump after it catches up. I hope it doesn't take too much longer; I never was one to stuff my bra, and I'm not going to start now.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Random Thoughts in a Day
What color are her eyes? If I ever capture your likeness in watercolor, lady, I will paint your eyes Payne's Gray..... It's so wonderful how easy it is for you to burp now!... Seeing your smiling face is a joy.... Damn storms! The dog peed on the couch! And R's playmat!!!.... If you don't want to take your nap, Ms. R, can I take it for you? You're working your way clockwise around the Pack n' Play; is the nap over when your head strikes 12:00?... Having a preemie means you get the newborn stage for longer...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Family Ties
Today R met her Aunt E and Cousin K. Some family down, lots more to go! I started the list in my head and decided to scribble it out here.
So far, R has met:
0/3 Great Grandparents
2/4 Grandparents
1/2 Aunts
0/2 Uncles
1/4 Cousins (soon to be 6 with my brother's twins on the way!)
1/? Great Aunts
1/? Great Uncles
3/? Cousins once removed
I put ?'s for some categories because I am sadly unaware of Senpai's extended family; something we plan to remedy this September.
As an aside, Aunt E held R for awhile as we strolled around a mall. When I got R back, it was strange how she smelled like her Aunt E's perfume. I kept thinking, "This isn't how you're supposed to smell..." I can totally understand how some animals refuse to acknowledge their babies after humans touch them and make them smell different. No worries, though, I still love my R-baby. <3
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Cloth Diapers, Part 2: Our Experience with Cloth
Being a 4 lb preemie, R wore the tiniest little disposables while in the NICU. They sent some home with us and I'm saving the ones she didn't use for posterity, because they're just so darn cute!
Tiny diaper on a tiny baby.
The disposables were fine in the hospital, but as we soon as we brought her home we stuck her in prefolds and Bummis waterproof covers. As new parents, we had no idea how often R's diaper should be changed. We only changed it once before a feeding in the NICU, but those were disposable diapers. Time has since taught us to change the diaper after a feeding as well. So we got leaks with this method, mostly because we weren't changing often enough: the prefolds were always soaked through.
At the same time we also used bumGenius XS All-in-Ones (AIO). "All-in-One" means that the absorbent liner is sewn into the waterproof cover. I liked how the absorbent insert retained the moisture in the middle of the diaper, instead of dispersing it all around her thighs like the prefolds did. We ended up buying 18 of these bumGenius AIO's before she grew out of them because they worked so much better than prefolds. A downside to the AIO diaper is that they take FOREVER to dry, due to the insert being sewn in. It wasn't until after R grew out of them that I read about some moms ripping seams on them to get better drying time. Toward the end of them fitting on her, leaks happened more often, even though she was still within the listed weight limit.
Our bumGenius stash.
Then it was on to FuzziBunz One Size! FuzziBunz are the creme-de-la-creme of cloth diapering, I tell you what. These diapers were our ultimate goal, we just used the other ones until she grew into them. They are "one size," and infinitely adjustable, but it's really too much fabric and padding on a 6 lb baby. They adjust with a button and elastic system around both legs and the waist. FuzziBunz are a pocket diaper, meaning that the absorbent insert gets stuffed into a pocket in the waterproof cover. I admit that they were hard to stuff when the elastics were on the smaller settings: I felt like my hand was always getting stuck on the folds created by so much excess fabric. But now that R has grown into the larger settings the inserts go in like a breeze. We've only had one leak so far and that's because the diaper was set too big for her. I've seen poops that would have been blowouts had they been in disposable diapers, but the FuzziBunz kept the mess perfectly contained.
Here you can see the pocket and 4-layer micro-terry insert.
I think she was about 9 or 10 lbs in this pic. The FuzziBunz looks huge on her here, but she has since grown into all of that fabric.
Our FuzziBunz stash.
Oh yeah, you can see in the pic above that we use flannel wipes, too. No running out to the store to buy more diapers or wipes for us! Thanks to new innovations in cloth diapering, and the magic of washers and dryers, we always have diapers and wipes on hand. Yay!!
Cloth Diapers, Part 1: Why We Chose Cloth
I'll go more in depth into our actual experiences with different brands of cloth diapers in a separate post, but here I wanted to hash out our thoughts on cloth in general.
I can't remember if I had ever considered cloth diapering until I read this post from Ryan of Pacing the Panic Room. I don't think I even knew that people used anything BUT disposables in this day and age. We were just starting to get pregnant, and I hadn't given one thought to what would be going on R's bum until that point. Ryan further elaborated with this post, and then I was certain that cloth was the way to go. I mean, Senpai and I already recycle, use cloth grocery bags, and compost. Cloth diapers just fall right in line with that mentality, right?
I used to babysit, so I know first-hand the disgust that comes with disposables. The disposable diaper is on your baby, baby starts smelling stinky so you go ahead and take the dirty diaper off, and then you can't get rid of that diaper fast enough. The closest trash can isn't close enough. Why is that? Dirty disposable diaper = instant trash. I hate that feeling. Was it trash while it was still on your little shnookums? Does baby flesh have magical trash-nullifying properties? I know, I know, I'm making a stupid argument here, but you can't say you don't know the feeling I'm talking about when disposable diaper leaves baby bottom. Now enter cloth into the equation. Take the example I gave before: cloth diaper is on your baby, baby starts smelling stinky so you go ahead and take the dirty diaper off, and then you think how nice it will be to wash it and use it again. Not, "OMG get this out of my sight/touch/smell radius NOW." Instead your thoughts are along the lines of, "This may be disgusting at the moment, but it will be nice and fresh once again after a quick wash. [Insert sigh of relief]" I personally find that change of thought to be refreshing.
I asked Senpai to add some of his thoughts about using cloth, and he agreed about the mental attitude that comes with cloth as I stated above, and he also pointed out the aesthetic appeal: they're just so darn cute! I certainly appreciate the ability to match a diaper to my baby's outfit. Maybe that would make some people's heads spin, but I enjoy it. A fun example is when I put a pink onesie on R over an apple green diaper, then she has a watermelon butt, lol!
Cloth certainly isn't for everyone. Case in point is my friend who lives in Las Vegas. She had tried gDiapers
on her little boy at one point, but did not continue with it. Cloth diapers do increase your water usage, so her reasoning was that cloth is neither economical nor earth-friendly when you live in the desert. Definitely something to think about if you live out West. Another family cloth diapers would not work for is my brother and sister-in-law. Their little girl is turning 1 this month, and they're expecting twins in March! They will have waaaaaaayyy too much to think about besides laundering cloth diapers, so disposables are definitely the way to go for them.
But for Senpai and I, cloth diapers work. Here in Illinois, R's diapers only add $20 on to our monthly water bill; not a big deal at all. And I don't mind the extra laundry. I was a massage therapist before R came along, and every night I would wash the sheets from my appointments that day. Now that I'm not massaging at the moment, I just replace those loads of sheets with baby diapers! So this was the right choice for us, and we are very happy to use our cloth diapers.
I can't remember if I had ever considered cloth diapering until I read this post from Ryan of Pacing the Panic Room. I don't think I even knew that people used anything BUT disposables in this day and age. We were just starting to get pregnant, and I hadn't given one thought to what would be going on R's bum until that point. Ryan further elaborated with this post, and then I was certain that cloth was the way to go. I mean, Senpai and I already recycle, use cloth grocery bags, and compost. Cloth diapers just fall right in line with that mentality, right?
I used to babysit, so I know first-hand the disgust that comes with disposables. The disposable diaper is on your baby, baby starts smelling stinky so you go ahead and take the dirty diaper off, and then you can't get rid of that diaper fast enough. The closest trash can isn't close enough. Why is that? Dirty disposable diaper = instant trash. I hate that feeling. Was it trash while it was still on your little shnookums? Does baby flesh have magical trash-nullifying properties? I know, I know, I'm making a stupid argument here, but you can't say you don't know the feeling I'm talking about when disposable diaper leaves baby bottom. Now enter cloth into the equation. Take the example I gave before: cloth diaper is on your baby, baby starts smelling stinky so you go ahead and take the dirty diaper off, and then you think how nice it will be to wash it and use it again. Not, "OMG get this out of my sight/touch/smell radius NOW." Instead your thoughts are along the lines of, "This may be disgusting at the moment, but it will be nice and fresh once again after a quick wash. [Insert sigh of relief]" I personally find that change of thought to be refreshing.
I asked Senpai to add some of his thoughts about using cloth, and he agreed about the mental attitude that comes with cloth as I stated above, and he also pointed out the aesthetic appeal: they're just so darn cute! I certainly appreciate the ability to match a diaper to my baby's outfit. Maybe that would make some people's heads spin, but I enjoy it. A fun example is when I put a pink onesie on R over an apple green diaper, then she has a watermelon butt, lol!
Cloth certainly isn't for everyone. Case in point is my friend who lives in Las Vegas. She had tried gDiapers
on her little boy at one point, but did not continue with it. Cloth diapers do increase your water usage, so her reasoning was that cloth is neither economical nor earth-friendly when you live in the desert. Definitely something to think about if you live out West. Another family cloth diapers would not work for is my brother and sister-in-law. Their little girl is turning 1 this month, and they're expecting twins in March! They will have waaaaaaayyy too much to think about besides laundering cloth diapers, so disposables are definitely the way to go for them. But for Senpai and I, cloth diapers work. Here in Illinois, R's diapers only add $20 on to our monthly water bill; not a big deal at all. And I don't mind the extra laundry. I was a massage therapist before R came along, and every night I would wash the sheets from my appointments that day. Now that I'm not massaging at the moment, I just replace those loads of sheets with baby diapers! So this was the right choice for us, and we are very happy to use our cloth diapers.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
On Having a Preemie
Preemie dolls were a fad when I was a kid. The only difference they had from your average baby doll is that they were smaller. The advertisements for the preemie dolls seemed to be quiet and more loving. I never actually owned one of these dolls, but I admired them from the pictures, "Oh, look at how small and cute!" And that was all they were: small and cute. Their hair didn't turn hot pink when wet, and they didn't drink water from a bottle and pee it out either (other doll fads of the time). After having a premature baby, I can say the dolls were pretty spot on: R was small at 4 lbs 13 oz, she requires a lot of quiet and love, she couldn't drink from a bottle at first (although she had the peeing thing down), and her hair does not turn hot pink when it's wet. This may just be me, but I feel that the size of a baby is inversely proportional to the amount of love you can't help but pour into said baby. Preemie parents have no choice but to be ever so deeply captivated by their child.
I wasn't expecting to have a preemie when this adorable bundle of needs plopped into my lap (or, more accurately, exploded from my womb). There was a distinct learning curve on how to care for R, but thankfully the knowing NICU staff taught Senpai and I about our tiny baby. Something that was also a huge help in the beginning was The Premature Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Premature Baby from Birth to Age One (Sears, William, Sears Parenting Library.)
. I am thankful to my brother and sister-in-law for sending it to us.
Bye-bye, NICU!
When we first brought her home, R had nasal congestion issues (it doesn't help that we have an old house chock-full of pet dander), and most nights she wound up sleeping on my chest as I slept reclined against pillows. As her sinuses developed, we eventually were able to move her to an inclined sleep wedge
, and now she sleeps just fine in her crib with no added props. The wedge helped with the reflux she had in the beginning as well.
We had more problems with breastfeeding than I had hoped to encounter. Because she went straight to NICU after birth instead of staying with me, we didn't have the same jump-start to breastfeeding that most moms get. She also was born before her sucking reflexes had developed, so she was fed through a feeding tube for most of her 20-or-so days in NICU. Just getting her to drink from a bottle was a challenge in the beginning. A lactation consultant worked with me to try to get R on the breast, and I thought we were doing pretty well, but it wasn't until she came home that she started losing weight, and I realized too late after my milk supply had dwindled that she was not strong enough to breastfeed. Out came the formula
and the breast pump
, and now my supply is back up (we don't need the formula anymore, yay!), but she continues to be fed by bottle. After she did get her strength back, colic reared its ugly-- oh so ugly-- head, and I couldn't manage to calm her down enough to try to get her on the breast. So we bottlefeed. It's a lot of work to find time to pump as well as clean all of the pumping equipment and bottles, warm the bottles, and feed the baby (whew!), but I am so glad to still have the opportunity to give her breastmilk in this way.
Something I'm still getting used to is birth age versus gestational age. Even though it's been 4 months since R was born, it's only been 2 1/2 months since her original due date. So while she may act like a 4 month old in some aspects (holding her head up, lifting her chest during tummy time, babbling), in other ways she is still a 2 1/2 month old (eating every 3 or less hours, still on the small side). It's confusing to balance the two and involves a lot more research, especially concerning milestones: "What happens at this age? Wait, most of this hasn't happened yet. Let's go back a month or two..." ^_^'
With everything said, I am 100% in love with my preemie. The trials and tribulations all add up to the experience of parenthood, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Baths would be more fun if her hair turned hot pink, though.
I wasn't expecting to have a preemie when this adorable bundle of needs plopped into my lap (or, more accurately, exploded from my womb). There was a distinct learning curve on how to care for R, but thankfully the knowing NICU staff taught Senpai and I about our tiny baby. Something that was also a huge help in the beginning was The Premature Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Premature Baby from Birth to Age One (Sears, William, Sears Parenting Library.)
. I am thankful to my brother and sister-in-law for sending it to us.Bye-bye, NICU!
When we first brought her home, R had nasal congestion issues (it doesn't help that we have an old house chock-full of pet dander), and most nights she wound up sleeping on my chest as I slept reclined against pillows. As her sinuses developed, we eventually were able to move her to an inclined sleep wedge
, and now she sleeps just fine in her crib with no added props. The wedge helped with the reflux she had in the beginning as well. We had more problems with breastfeeding than I had hoped to encounter. Because she went straight to NICU after birth instead of staying with me, we didn't have the same jump-start to breastfeeding that most moms get. She also was born before her sucking reflexes had developed, so she was fed through a feeding tube for most of her 20-or-so days in NICU. Just getting her to drink from a bottle was a challenge in the beginning. A lactation consultant worked with me to try to get R on the breast, and I thought we were doing pretty well, but it wasn't until she came home that she started losing weight, and I realized too late after my milk supply had dwindled that she was not strong enough to breastfeed. Out came the formula
and the breast pump, and now my supply is back up (we don't need the formula anymore, yay!), but she continues to be fed by bottle. After she did get her strength back, colic reared its ugly-- oh so ugly-- head, and I couldn't manage to calm her down enough to try to get her on the breast. So we bottlefeed. It's a lot of work to find time to pump as well as clean all of the pumping equipment and bottles, warm the bottles, and feed the baby (whew!), but I am so glad to still have the opportunity to give her breastmilk in this way.Something I'm still getting used to is birth age versus gestational age. Even though it's been 4 months since R was born, it's only been 2 1/2 months since her original due date. So while she may act like a 4 month old in some aspects (holding her head up, lifting her chest during tummy time, babbling), in other ways she is still a 2 1/2 month old (eating every 3 or less hours, still on the small side). It's confusing to balance the two and involves a lot more research, especially concerning milestones: "What happens at this age? Wait, most of this hasn't happened yet. Let's go back a month or two..." ^_^'
With everything said, I am 100% in love with my preemie. The trials and tribulations all add up to the experience of parenthood, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Baths would be more fun if her hair turned hot pink, though.
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