We Need Shaving Cream. LOTS of Shaving Cream.

Here it is... our final week of 3 days at daycare. Next week, R's time at daycare will be cut to just one day, because it's better for Mommy and Daddy's wallets.

She's been doing so well there. Being around other kids and listening to an adult other than Mommy and Daddy has paved the way towards her going to preschool. She still plays on her own instead of with the other kids, and she doesn't speak up in group discussions, but I credit that to her introversion. I recently read the book, "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain, and it has opened my eyes to how introversion is genetic. We're just wired differently, introverts and extroverts. And you can get an introvert to eventually adapt to the extroverted world, but at the end of the day, they just want some time to themselves. I'm okay with that. I'm an introvert, too, after all; who better to understand her than her bookish mother? So if the girl wants to play by herself at daycare, let her play by herself. She has a good friend at Storytime, and she plays with her sister here at home. She'll be alright.

Poppy will certainly enjoy more time with her sister. She gets bored when it's just her and I at home. She constantly clings to my leg, waiting for me to pick her up again. But when Rosemary is home, the two of them get into such mischief. They had a blast on Monday.

I had bought a Lysol automatic soap dispenser to help Rosemary be more independent in the bathroom. She knows how to move her stool back and forth between the big potty and the sink, and she can climb up on the big potty all by herself now. The only thing she still needed my help with was working the pump on the soap bottle. I thought the automatic dispenser would work so well. And it did... a little TOO well.

The trouble started in the morning when Rosemary's toothpaste looked especially foamy in her mouth. Yup, the girl had put soap on her toothbrush. Then R washed her hands after lunch. I heard the water going for awhile. How long does it take rinse peanut butter off your hands? I walked in there and saw that the entire bottle of soap had been emptied. Sink, stool, floor... there was soap everywhere. Miraculously, somehow Rosemary avoided getting soap on herself. I cleaned all of that up, and then I heard Poppy start to grunt like she was pooping. I ripped the diaper off of her and put her on the little potty, but there was already some poop in the diaper which got on my hands. Because Rosemary had finished off the soap bottle, I had to run to the kitchen to get soap for my hands. When I returned to the bathroom, Poppy had climbed off the potty, but was still peeing and pooping. I got her cleaned up and then set her in the living room to play while I cleaned up the bathroom. There was no toilet paper to pick up the poop off the floor because Rosemary had used it all, so I ran to the basement to grab another roll. When I came back up, Poppy had knocked over my large sports mug full of water that Rosemary had removed from the kitchen table and set on the couch.

Are you laughing yet?

There will certainly be more stories like this since Rosemary will be home more often. I bought the girls wet shoes so I can take them to the splash pad. I am following homeschool and playtime blogs, trying to get ideas to keep them entertained and out of mischief. One thing's for sure: it looks like I need to buy shaving cream. LOTS of shaving cream. (Why do all of the cool crafts involve shaving cream?)

Sleepless Mommy

It's a cruel twist of fate that when I was dying from exhaustion earlier this afternoon, Poppy refused to nap. And now that she is sleeping soundly, I can't fall asleep. I've been lying in bed since 7 pm. It's just not gonna happen yet. I am so backlogged on sleep it isn't funny. Not that I ever consider lack of sleep to be humorous...

I don't like the mother I am when I'm not well rested. Well-Rested Mommy is patient, kind, and loving. Sleepless Mommy is snippy with Daddy, apathetic to the children's cries, and just downright mean. I lost patience with Rosemary today at 8 am. There was no recovery after that, and our important foot doctor appointment in St. Louis suffered. She didn't want to go to the appointment, she wanted to stay home. "Sorry, honey, your Daddy worked really hard to get us this appointment. We've been waiting for months and now the day is finally here. We have to go." Cue toddler meltdown. Cue adorable baby sister getting kicked in the FACE with a SNEAKERED FOOT. Cue Mommy rage (you might as well cut to the credits here because the rest of the day was no better). We did make it to the appointment and we did hear some good news that this current pair of orthotics may be Rosemary's last, but Rosemary was not on good behavior. The doctor wasn't able to complete some important tests simply because the girl wouldn't stop foaming at the mouth.

I know her misbehavior stemmed from being sent to daycare yesterday for the first time in a year; I don't blame her for wanting to stay home today. It was a rough morning leaving her there. She was perfectly happy and content when Senpai picked her up later in the day, but drop-off was brutal. I am not looking forward to tomorrow morning. Or Friday morning. But I need this. I need her to be stimulated by children her own age. I need a nap! The girl doesn't nap anymore. I go upstairs to lie down and nurse Poppy, I get all nice and relaxed.... Poppy falls asleep, and then I groggily go back downstairs, trying to pep myself up enough to be good company for Rosemary. It's hard, especially when I've been living off 4 hours of sleep at night. My diseased body craves ten hours.

I'm an emotional wreck. I'm anxious about the act of dropping Rosemary off at daycare. I'm anxious about my lack of a preschool decision and worry that I've missed important deadlines. I feel guilty that I haven't planned Poppy a proper first birthday party. That one stings. I let indecisiveness, uncertainty, and inaction ruin my daughter's first birthday. What kind of a mother am I?

One who needs sleep.

Preschool Prep.... ha.

This was the week it all fell apart.

Poppy is teething. She's had the same two bottom teeth out since February, and now her top canines are trying to join the party. I can feel the bumps protruding, but nothing has broken the surface of the gums yet. I wish they'd hurry up and come out already so we all can sleep again. She has been feverish and unhappy. She desperately needs sleep, but she does not stay down for a nap when I try to walk away. It has been very hard to do anything but pay attention to her. That being the case, Rosemary's studies have been pushed to the wayside.


Midnight munchies for a miserable, teething baby.

Senpai reminded me that we have money allocated toward daycare that needs to be used before July 1st. I scheduled Rosemary to go back to the daycare she had been at before, starting next week. It's a good daycare; the reason we took her out was because she wasn't handling the separation well. She is more sociable and outgoing now, so hopefully she will like the experience better. We told her that she will go there to play with other kids and she sounds happy about the idea. The daycare does crafts and lessons everyday. I will gladly let them teach Rosemary while Poppy's gums are under attack from sharp, pointy teeth. Once I can sleep and think again, I will check in and see where Rosemary's studies may need supplementing at home.



I'm looking forward to seeing this happy face again...


So I can enjoy more of this.

Quick Update

Just jumping in for a quick update here...

Rosemary's favorite teacher resigned from her daycare. She hates going to daycare now. She throws fits when we try to take her in the morning, and she's crying when we go to pick her up in the evening. I need to better learn how to handle both kids together because we can't keep sending Rosemary there.

Poppy nurses 100% of the time. Occasionally Senpai and I will heat up a bottle in a desperate attempt to try to settle Ms. Crankypants in the evenings, but she usually won't drink it. I saw a lactation consultant today, one of the ones who had worked with us while Poppy was in the NICU, and she was thrilled to see our progress. I told her how we were still using a nipple shield. I had experimented more with not using it in the past, but this week we had been using the nipple shield for every feeding. The consultant said it's time to wean Poppy off. It's past her due date and she's strong enough now to get a good latch. Yes, she'll be frustrated that it's gone, but now's the time for it to go, before she gets hooked on it. I'm thrilled.

I am so close to being able to feed my baby with no props whatsoever. No breastpump/cooler/hot water/bottle setup that I had with Rosemary. No nipple shield that I have to wonder where it is and fear if it will fall off, Poppy will knock it off, or it'll poke her in the eye. None of that. Just a good nursing bra, my baby, and me. Thrilled!!!

Developments

I webcammed with my husband tonight.


That used to be the standard-- back before FaceTime, before I had a laptop with a built-in camera, before he had an iPhone-- it was us, computers, and webcams, communicating across the country. I had met him in my home state of Maryland right after I had already signed up to attend a massage school in Las Vegas, NV. We had three short months of face to face dating before I packed my car up and drove away. But, in that fleeting period of time, we had already fallen deeply in love. The relationship continued over cell phones and webcams, as I learned effleurage and petrissage in the desert, and he moved to Southern IL to get his bachelor's degree. The following year I graduated from massage school, we got married, and I moved to Illinois all in one weekend. It was a busy weekend. Now, five years later, we find ourselves once again connected by webcam. He is on the East Coast for a week long training, and I'm here, at our house in Illinois, with the two-year-old and a 32-week-old fetus gestating inside me. I'm ever so glad that my Dad is here, too (otherwise, I wouldn't make it!).




It works in our favor that R now loves her daycare. It was a rough transition for sure: my fully daytime potty-trained Cupcake went back to having (multiple) accidents, both at home and at "school." Thankfully the daycare staff was patient and understanding, and now, three weeks later, she comes home wearing the same clothes we put her in in the morning. She needs pull-ups at naptime, but that's understandable; the daycare staff have to stick to a schedule and put all the kids down at the same time instead of keeping one up until her bladder is fully emptied. But yes, R loves it. She has figured out that daycare is more fun than staying home and running errands with Mommy, or going to doctor appointments and watching Mommy get measured and hooked up to weird machines.


Speaking of doctor's appointments, I now go in for weekly ultrasounds and doctor visits, and twice weekly non-stress tests. Fun stuff. All of this time spent sitting around in waiting rooms has given me a non-stop list of knit and crochet projects. It's been awhile since I last picked it up, but I'm back to using the knitting jenny to make little hats for the NICU babies. I've also made a hat and two pairs of booties for Poppy, as well as finished her baby blanket. See?







I'm keeping busy, for sure. Until Senpai comes back home, and until Poppy makes her grand debut (another full moon is on its way... time to refill the anti-contraction meds prescription!), a steady stream of yarn flows through my fingers.

Daycare

The Cupcake starts daycare tomorrow. Jelly Bean and I just started our third trimester together, and I am getting worn out very quickly. Also, R has been harder to take with me to doctor appointments because she gets scared and protective of me. I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow. R needs to be at daycare.



I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

What doesn't help is that Senpai showed me "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" last night. It's the prequel to "Planet of the Apes," where James Franco raises a chimpanzee (I had to go to IMDB to find out what kind of monkey it was. I can't tell those things apart!) from birth. At a critical point in the movie, James Franco has to relinquish his beloved chimp, Caesar, to an animal sanctuary. James doubts that the sanctuary will take good care of Caesar, and he's right. Cue my heart breaking for the poor monkey, abandoned, abused, and alone. James Franco has no idea what trials Caesar encounters. In the end, of course, Caesar becomes stronger for the hardship he's endured, and he leads his misfit group of monkeys to freedom while the human race eventually meets its untimely demise. Good stuff.

How am I supposed to leave R at daycare now???

I won't be there to watch over her. I won't be there to protect her. I can take comfort in the fact that a toddler uprising against authority and the subsequent decline of the population is highly unlikely. What is more likely to happen is that R will learn to protect herself. She will learn to rise above challenges without her Mommy. Tough lessons.

I hope she finds comfort in the daycare staff. I hope they can fill her needs. I toured three daycare centers, and the one we chose has the best ratio of children to adults. In my opinion, it will fill her needs for the two days out of the week that she will go. I hope I'm right.